Friday, December 27, 2013

Wednesday, December 25, 2013


I attended a Church service yesterday. We had to wait in a long line of traffic to enter the parking area because it was a huge church. At the corner of the entrance, I saw a protester. He held a cardboard sign that said "My Grandson Was Ripped From Me." I'm not sure what the protest was about. I think it must have been about the condemnation of homosexuality in the bible.

The sermon was good, but I was thinking the whole time about the protest. We accept homosexuality now despite what is written in the bible and even allow homosexual marriage. Hence, the part of the bible about homosexuality must be wrong. What if it's all wrong? What if there is no sanctuary, no salvation and no savior?

Monday, December 23, 2013

Random Thoughts:

A few weeks ago at Frank's Place, I saw this in a woman's profile:
I've been coming to Frank's long enough that I've gotten to know most of the people here.
Interesting, I thought. What if she changed it slightly:
I've been coming to Frank's long enough that I've gotten to know done most of the people guys here.
That adds a little zing to her profile, don't you think? She's most likely quite chaste though and doesn't want to give the wrong impression. So what she could do is add a second sentence: Ha, ha, just kidding.

The other day, I saw this in a woman's profile at a club:
Feel free to IM me...I happily accept random IM's, not so much random friend requests.
I like what she did. It's humorous and friendly and I understand the sentiment. I've gotten my share of random friend requests and they're annoying. But I was wondering if she should go further:
Feel free to IM me...I happily accept random IM's, not so much random friend sex requests.
Now that's humorous. It probably won't make much difference in the number of random friend requests that she gets and it should reduce the number of random sex requests. On the other hand, maybe the reason she didn't write it that way was because she does happily accept random sex requests. I can't say because I haven't received my fair share of those.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Being and Doing:

Have you ever thought about the difference between being and doing? One time someone accused me of being a merchant. I thought it was odd because I've never thought of myself that way. Selling virtual items is just something I do and not something that I am.

Blogging is something else I do, but not something I identify with. I've never introduced myself to someone and said "hi, I'm a blogger."

I guess at some point, when you spend enough time doing something, you began to use that activity to identify yourself. From the amount of time that I've spent in SL I should introduce myself as an avatar.

Friday, December 13, 2013

The Loneliest Thing:

What do you think the loneliest thing in the world is? The cry of a wolf on a frozen arctic night? The new kid eating alone in the cafeteria at a rough school? The fat kid that always gets picked last for dodge ball? Some poor writer struggling alone in his room with a blank page? Or is it a whale?

For decades, a whale has been singing at a frequency too high for other whales to hear. So no one ever returns his mournful calls. He's been traveling alone through the vast Pacific, forever seeking and never finding, answered only by echos. Life isn't meant to be lived alone, not even for cetaceans.

Prayers for a whale on a cold winter night.

Monday, December 9, 2013

New Item:

I created a new item today. It's a window treatment that shows a print of a Japanese pine or horizontal blinds. Click on it and it presents you with a menu to show the print, the blinds, tinted glass, or a clear texture for the appearance of an open window. If you opt for tinted glass, it displays glass block on the opposite side for privacy. The menu additionally permits you to change opacity between four levels while keeping the exterior opaque.

A configuration card allows you to change the color of the blinds. The configuration card also allows you to set the item to be operable only by the owner, a group, or anyone. It's free through Thursday, December 12, 2013. Get one here.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Linden Homes:

I got a Linden Home yesterday. The Plum Tree model in the Meadowbrook theme. I think that's the best one. At first, there weren't any homes available in the Meadowbrook them. So I got one of the homes in the Tahoe theme instead. That's the second best theme. But I abandoned it when some Meadowbrook homes became available, but there weren't any Plum Tree models being offered. I wasn't satisfied with any of those and abandoned them.

Finally, the Lindens made a bunch of new homes available and I managed to nab a Plum Tree model.  The only model left now of the Meadowbrooks is the Grayson. There must be a lot of people signing up for premium membership. It's probably a good time to sell land.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

More Ocean:

My land group picked up 464 sqm of abandoned land next to my shop. A few day ago I had put in a support ticket requesting to buy the abandoned parcel. Today a Linden notified me that he had set the abandoned land for sale to me or my group. Now my land group has exactly 1024 sqm of land. Technically, though it's more ocean, because I lowered the land so that it's all under sea level. I wanted more parking space for boats.

Shortly after I first moved to my present location, I had sold that same 464 sqm parcel. Whoever bought it though, abandoned it. Evidently it didn't reappear on the market as abandoned land because it was less than 512 sqm. Hence, the necessity for the support ticket.

I originally sold the 464 sqm because I wanted to tier down. Recently though, I took advantage of the current 50% off premium membership special and added 512 sqm of tier. If you need more tier, the special is scheduled to continue through New Year's eve. I recommend it.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


I must have been nice this year in SL because Santa left me an awesome gift. It's one of the best hunt items ever: a Bandit motorboat. She skips across the waves like she stole fire from the gods. I discovered this particular hunt via Orca's blog. If you want to snag a Bandit for yourself, start at Dex in SL.

Monday, December 2, 2013

The Usual Perverts:

I saw an acquaintance recently at Fogbound that was inappropriately dressed. She was dressed too nice. Fogs is a blues place where casual wear is the norm and she was in ballroom attire. She had just come from Frank's Place, a posh jazz club. I asked her how Frank's was and she replied "oh, you know, the usual perverts were out."

Now I was suddenly jealous. I've been going to Frank's for a long time and nobody has ever asked me to do anything perverted. I must give off the wrong vibe.

To rectify that deficiency, I've created a new title in my land group: Pervert. My plan is to go to Frank's with that group active so the tag pervert shows. That should give off an entirely different vibe.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Role Play:

Romantic love is like a beautiful sunrise, promising everything and nothing. And then the clouds move in and rain begins to fall. Small drops at first and then a torrential drenching downpour that leaves you soaked and shivering like an addict deep in withdrawal. When it's over, you'll wonder how you survived.

Is that something you want to role play?

Thursday, November 28, 2013


I'm giving thanks to those who will see it: you. The people who read my blog. As long as you read what I write, I don't care if anyone else does. It's written especially for you.

Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you had a good one.

Feeling Funky:

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Late Night Thoughts:

Have you ever thought how you could make someone's profile more interesting with a slight revision? For instance, a friend of mine has this for the first line of her profile: 
I came here out of curiosity and stayed for the great people.
Not bad, but a little bland. What if instead she wrote:
 I came here out of curiosity and stayed for the great people slex.
That might get too much attention and give some people the wrong idea about her. So what if she alternatively wrote:
I came here out of curiosity and stayed for the great people lag.
I don't know about you, but it's the lag that keeps me coming back. Surely you've seen those ToS entries that claim the right to do whatever they want with IMs? What if someone had a ToS entry that stated:
You are hereby notified by dancing with me in excess of five minutes obligates you to slex me at my request upon cessation of dancing. Failure to comply shall result in a L$1,000 payment penalty to discharge the obligation.
That should provide a fun way to end those dances that just go on and on forever.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Portable Weather:

I put together a portable weather device. You wear it and click on it and it gives you a choice of snow or rain. Click again on your selection and the snow or rain stops. It will work in no-script areas too if you wear it in a script-enabled area first and then enter the no-script area. If you are in an area where build is enabled, you can just rez it in-world instead of wearing it.

If you would like to try it, it's free through Thanksgiving. Click -->here<--. Let me know if you have any problems with it.

Sunday, November 24, 2013


I don't walk, I limp. You can see me mutter, but understand only pain. My mind is not peaceful. It is not an alpine meadow or a gentle morning mist. It is a debris field, a burnt out forest, a siren screaming in the distance and strewn garbage. Every dawn is heartbreaking. The weak morning light finds my face so pale and dead that mirrors hardly reflect the visage. There is no light behind my eyes. My spirit long ago fled. The skin is grey parchment with deeply written sorrow. If I had a god, it would be sadness.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Do It Yourself:

People entering Second Life give up their bodies. Only avatars inhabited by their owners' souls can be seen. Tears of false camaraderie fall like rain, but nothing really changes. The jilted lover finds another to betray her. The sensitive man that always wanted to be a woman is crushed by rejection. The bitter finds someone else to be angry at. The scammer finds another to cheat. The lonely remain lonesome, and the vampires go about collecting souls.

There is magic here, but you have to make it yourself.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Out of Reach:

The men found themselves in an unimaginable bounty of women. The women with few exceptions, appeared voluptuous, young, and with delightfully slim, long-legged hourglass figures. Most of the women were not shy about showing their assets. The men flitted from one woman to another, like hopped-up butterflies.

The women were in heaven. Suddenly they could have that figure or hairstyle they had always wanted. Clothes, and especially shoes, were no longer prohibitively expensive. Men actually approached that weren't balding and didn't have pot bellies.

But somehow it wasn't paradise. The women kept wanting that one man that would want only them. The men kept wanting every woman that attracted them. True love was forever out of reach. You might as well have been reaching for the moon.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Loneliest:

Builders are the loneliest people in Second Life. Whenever I try to build and chat at the same time, I usually end up accidentally deleting my build or my house. And trying to script and chat at the same time? Forget it. Avoid builders, they're nothing but trouble.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Angular Momentum:

Angular momentum is my favorite xkcd post:

 Angular Momentum

The reason this works is because the spinning is an earnest useless act by the woman for her lover. It's like a man giving flowers to a woman. Flowers are pretty much useless with short shelf life. They're worse than bananas. What matters is that he's thinking of her.

In comparison, a person sentenced to hang by the neck at sunrise until dead wouldn't spin to lengthen the night. It would be useless and not make an iota of difference. That the woman is doing it, demonstrates that she would do anything for her lover.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Two Eternities:

Each individual life is but a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
-Ella D'Arcy, The Web of Maya
The first eternity is the time before conception. The second is the eternity after death. But I'm not sure the eternities are dark. There is starlight for a good long part of both eternities. 

I wonder which eternity is longer. Supposedly, a really long time ago there was a big bang and an expansion of the universe. Will the amount of time that has elapsed since the big bang until now be greater or less than the time from now until the universe collapses into itself?

Was there really an eternity before my birth? Has the universe cycled forever between expansion and contraction and only during this most recent contraction was the earth and human life created?

Some infinities can be greater than others. We know that from The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. There are an infinite number of moments between now and tomorrow as there are between now and next year. But the infinity of moments between now and tomorrow is less than the infinity of moments between now and next year.

The trick is to be grateful for the little infinity that we get.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Noble Truths:

The first of the four noble truths taught by Buddha is that life is suffering. That seems to hold true even in Second Life. Why would anyone recreate suffering in a virtual world? It's supposed to be all rainbows and unicorns.

The suffering is less extreme in SL, but it can still be intense. Someone rents a place and the cruel landlord returns all their items before the expiration of the rental period and refuses to refund any of the rent money. Someone believes they've found the love of their life and is devastated when they find out their love has a different gender from what they were led to believe and is unfaithful to boot. Someone gets banned from a sim because of furry prejudice and on and on.

The lesson to take away from this is that there is no escape from suffering. There are probably angels in heaven that are borderline suicidal because they're not god's favorite.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

The Ending:

I chatting with a novelist last night at a rave. Her secret was to write the ending first. It sounds like a great idea. I've been obsessed with beginnings and continually getting stuck in the middle. So here's my attempt at an ending:
Broken glass crunched beneath her shoes as she entered the room. She stopped for a moment and her eyes grew wide. He lay slumped against the wall, breathing heavily. His face was smudged with black and his nose was bleeding. His lower lip was split and one eye was swelling shut. She ran the last fews steps and kneeled before him, sweeping his hair away from his forehead. "Are you all right?"

"I'm dying," he whispered. He had one hand pressed against his side. She looked closer and saw a dark red stain on his shirt, spreading under his hand.

"No," she said, "it's going to be okay. I'm here. We'll get you to a hospital." She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and started to dial. "Damn, no signal. I've got to go outside to call. Wait here." She stood to go.

"If I don't make it, I want you to tell them something for me."


"Tell'em I died angry."

"Oh baby, you don't want to die angry, not with me here" She knelt and kissed him ever so gently, being careful of his split lip. "I'm sorry."

"Okay, tell'em I died hard."

Friday, November 8, 2013

Infinite Loop:

It's Friday night. There's nothing to do until Sunday, except:
  • Eat,
  • Rave,
  • Sleep, and
  • Repeat.

I Was Happy:

In a dream I found a way to avoid Obamacare and I was happy.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Failing In Life:

Do you think it's possible to fail in life? Consider something simpler like Second Life. How could you fail there? It's not possible because it's not a game. It's merely for entertainment. So how could you fail in real life? It's not a game either. Nobody even knows what it's for. Nonetheless, I have this nagging feeling that I'm failing.

Some people have considered the question from the opposite direction. In particular, there was an essay published long ago defining success:
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded
The author sets a pretty low bar, so maybe I'm not failing as badly as I thought. The foregoing essay is often attributed to Ralph Wald Emerson, but the original author was Bessie A. Stanley. It was called What is Success and published in a compilation entitled Heart Throbs.

Heart throbs were defined by the publisher as those things that make us all kin; those things that endure—the classics of our own lives.

I've spent most of my life looking for heart throbs. I hope you've found a few.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


To those who can't sleep
and sometimes cry at night.
To those feeling smaller than life.

To the trapped and
hating where they're at.
For those wishing they've breathed their last.

To those at dead ends
and in holes so deep,
they don't even bother to weep.

To those wanting heroes
and needing hope.
To those for whom the word hope is a cliched joke.

To everyone who has ever sold
their time and health for minimum wages.
To those living through dark ages.

To the defiant
To those screaming at the sky.
To those asking why.

I'm so sorry.
I wish I knew.
Because my words are for you.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Too Depressed:

I was going to post something, but I got too depressed. Depression isn't bad for writing, but you need to be in deep despair to the point where you lose your inhibitions and write material that is shocking. If I'm lucky, maybe something bad will happen to me tomorrow that will send me over the edge. OK, keeping my fingers crossed.

Monday, November 4, 2013

The Beauty of the Realm:

I've been enjoying gathering crystals at Linden Realms. It's deeply relaxing and somewhat financially rewarding.

One of the fringe benefits is the beautiful scenery. To see it, you have to use the region windlight settings. If you enable particles, there are even weather effects and the regions are low-lag. Below are a couple of photos, one from near sea level, the other from one of the tallest mountain peaks.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

My Superpower:

Friends sometime call me Randall the Candle. To me that sounds like a kind of superhero. So I asked them what my superpower would be. They said it would probably be breaking stuff. I don't think that's fair. It's not that I break things a lot, it's that they buy cheap stuff that easily breaks.

Breaking things is not a super power. That's just being clumsy. I think my super power should be generating light, about as much as a candle. Maybe I could cup my hands together to form a dark void between my palms. And if you look into the dark void, you could see light radiating from my palms. It would be great for party tricks.

My favorite superpower would be to have the powers of a prophet. It would give me the ability to persuade with deep conviction. I would have many devoted followers and be able to perform minor miracles. If someone was disabled, I would be able to call upon my abilities and heal them, but not with great reliability. Sometimes it wouldn't work and I would blame the failures on lack of faith.

The worst part about being a prophet would be passing the collection plate around. I hate asking for money. So I would probably be a poor prophet.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Do You Believe:

He believed in something he called the true world. A world behind this one, that shone through it, like a candle through a lampshade.
-Janet Fitch, Paint It Black
Do you believe in the true world? An idealized version of this one that we catch glimpses of sometimes? I accidentally rediscovered the true world.

I had started going for walks at lunch. Usually I eat at my desk first and then hike past the restaurant that I can't afford to eat at. It's not for torture, it's for exercise. On a whim last week, I walked in the opposite direction and discovered a small, well kept nature park. I did a circuit through the park and found a path leading under a bridge. After the bridge, the path opened up on a sandy trail paralleling a stream.

It was another world hidden away in an industrial park. Large trees shaded the trail, dappling it with sunlight. The path led to a picnic table in a grove of trees. One of the trees had small oranges hanging from its branches. Further up the trail, a foot bridge gracefully arched over the steam. The scene was from another era, from before when they paved this area over with asphalt and concrete.

As beautiful as it was, I was thinking. Is it more important to see the true world or your true self? An idealized version of you that you have in your mind? The person that you could be with just a little help (or maybe a lot).

Do you still believe in that person?

Thursday, October 31, 2013

I Wonder:

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. -Harun Yahya
This is a misnomer. Birds don't stay in the same place. Some are migratory. Canadian Geese for example. If they're in Canada and it starts getting cold, they head south for the winter. Other birds may not fly as far, but they do fly around. For example, if someone is handing out popcorn, pigeons will fly in from all over. And when the popcorn is gone, so are the pigeons.

People don't stay in the same place either. If they're not happy where they're at and they think somewhere else is better and that they can get there, they go. Sometimes they go just because they're bored and they want to see someplace different. If they stay in the new place for a few weeks and return, it's called a vacation. If they stay for a few years, it's called prison. Or more usually, relocation.

So if you're stuck somewhere, it's probably because you don't think there's is someplace better that you can get to.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Problem:

The problem with slex, is that it's so hypothetical, it might as well be astrophysics. Here's an example of what I mean:

Lady: I'm getting you off.

Dude: I'm getting myself off.

Dude: You're just typing.

Lady: That's not all I'm doing (winks).

Dude: I'm still doing it myself.

Lady: Hypothetically, if I was there, I would be doing it.

Dude: Hypothetically, if you didn't see me and run away screaming, you mean.

Lady: Why would I do that?

Dude: I'm not really a dude.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Before Human Consciousness:

Have you ever thought about the time before human consciousness? Most people just worry about their own existence or possibly their family line. They don't usually worry about survival of the species because there are so many humans.

Our kind has only existed for around two million years. It seems like forever, but geologically it is relatively short. Life began here about four billion years ago and during 99.95% of that time, there were no humans.

If there was a time before human consciousness, there will almost certainly be a time after it has ceased to exist. Most scientists believe it was an asteroid impact that dethroned the dinosaurs as the dominant life form on earth. They had a good run, approximately a hundred times longer then humans have existed.

But even if we dodge the asteroids, the sun will eventually become a red giant and incinerate the earth. It's going to be pretty tough to survive that.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Glad That's Over:

You ever have one of your friends partner with someone that's completely inappropriate? Like you just don't get it? That happened to me recently, except she wasn't on my friends list, I just saw her frequently at a particular pub and chatted with her a few times. She was a writer and her favorite author was a well known female writer that committed suicide.

First, I really didn't expect her to partner. Writers should be independent and dedicated to their madness. A partner interferes with that. Muses are okay, but partners are trouble. Second, the guy seemed a bit clownish. He just didn't seem serious enough about his art.

Fortunately, it didn't last long. The next time I see her I can ask her what she saw in the guy. Hopefully, she's not too traumatized by the experience and hasn't disappeared from SL for an extended period.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Halloween Trick

Try this for a Halloween trick: Change your default busy message to "This is an automatic response. You've been muted." Then set your viewer to busy and see how many of your friends are fooled. You should probably get back to your friends as soon as the busy message goes out to avoid retaliatory mutings and defriendings.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

My Favorite Review

This is one of my favorite reviews. I'm not letting it go to my head though, because the previous review was only three stars: 

This Bubble is AMAZING!!!!!

Posted October 24, 2013 by Warfina Tisch 5 stars
unbelievable, and stunning. its so wonderful and the price is crazy.. so many sizes, floor and wall textures, the snow and rain, its all so nice we love it and use it over and over..
You wont be sorry getting this at all.

Sky Bubble, 32 meters to 100 meters

Wasted Time:

If you enjoy wasting time in Second Life, is it really wasted time?

Friday, October 25, 2013

The Midas Touch

You've probably head of the Midas touch. It was a story about a king that wished everything he touched would turn to gold. And when his wish was granted, he was happy until he realized his touch turned even food and people into gold.

Second Life is the same in some ways. We can look good, along with everyone else, and we can sail, and swim, and walk through beautiful fields of flowers, and watch amazing sunsets, but we can't touch anything. We can't smell the flowers, we can't feel the sand between our toes, and we can't feel a lover's kiss.

Otherwise, it would be perfect.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Call Me A Cynic:

Seen in someone's profile tonight I just need ONE faithful man.I asked her if she had heard of Diogenes, the greek philospher that carried a lamp and claimed to be looking for an honest man. Diogenes was quite a character. He was one of the founders of Cynic philosophy. He made a virtue of poverty. He begged for a living and slept in a large ceramic jar in the marketplace and he lived to be about 89 years old.

Call me a cynic, but I don't think she's going to find that one guy.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Answer:

Have you ever seen The Sixth Sense? It's about a boy named Cole that can communicate with the dead. There is one scene that haunts me. It's when Cole reveals his special ability to his mother and proves that he's not lying or delusional. He relays something that his deceased grandmother told him that only Cole's mother would know to be true:

Cole: She [grandma] wanted me to tell you...

Mom: Cole, please stop...

Cole: She wanted me to tell you she saw you dance. She said, when you were little, you and her had a fight, right before your dance recital. You thought she didn't come see you dance. She did. She hid in the back so you wouldn't see. She said you were like an angel. She said you came to the place where they buried her. Asked her a question? She said the answer is... "Every day." What did you ask?

Mom: Do... Do I make her proud?  

I admit there have been times when I've worried about whether I've made my parents proud. The answer is certainly NOT everyday. I'm sure they suffered a few frustrations. Hopefully they're not too deeply disappointed with their underachieving son.

But today I was thinking the question is backwards. Shouldn't I worry more about whether my children are disappointed in me? Anybody that has survived childhood has a story to tell. I want to leave them with a good one.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Someone threatened to mute me tonight, so I muted them. My mute list serves an important function. It makes sure I don't accidentally talk to someone again that was rude to me. But sometimes I see someone on my radar that I've muted and I can't remember why so I have to unmute them to look at their profile. Most of the time I still can't remember why I muted them even after seeing their profile. I'll just have to assume that if I muted them, there must have been a good reason.

Monday, October 21, 2013

My New Friend:

I met a blind man at Hyannisport. He wore dark glasses and had a white cane. He caught my attention because he kept walking into the fence surrounding the boardwalk area and bouncing off. Plus the cane was pretty cool. I called out in chat "you look like you're blind."

He paused his bumping against the fence and typed "that's because I am." He had an old style AO that didn't override the default typing animation so he looked like he was really typing.

"If you're blind, how can you see what I've typed?"

"I have a special viewer that converts text to speech, so I can hear you."

Ashamed at my insensitivity, I tried to be helpful. "If you walk along the fence to your left, you'll come to an entrance way." 

"There's a fence? My viewer isn't detecting it. Must be a bug. Could you lead me to the entrance?"

I jumped over the fence and stood by him. "Okay follow me." I headed for the entrance and he followed close behind. When we were on the boardwalk, I typed "If you can't see, how can you follow me?"

"My viewer has a follow function so that I can follow an avatar. Sometimes it freaks people out."

"I like your cane. It would be great for a Halloween costume, for someone who isn't blind."

"Would you like one?"

"Yes, that would be great."

"Here you go." 

"Thanks. Why do you come here?"

"I get lonely. Sometimes I just want to chat with someone."

"Me too."

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Want to be Famous?

I sell a tracker that notifies you when someone is online. You list the people that you want to track on a note card and it lets you know when they're online. The procedure to set it up can be confusing so as an example for customers I list myself, an alt and Philip Linden. That way they can just add to the list or replace one of the existing entries with someone they want to track.

One day I was at Franks and I received an IM that said "Oh, I recognize your name. You're the person that is always indicated as online in my tracker. I was wondering who you were."

That go me to thinking, what if I just gave the tracker away?  Maybe modify it so that my name is a permanent entry. Then a lot more people in SL would learn my name and I could become famous.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Fetishes Are Bad:

These days, I mostly hang at clubs. The one that gives everyone pause is a BDSM club.
Whenever I mention that club to someone as a place I regularly visit, they always touch my arm and say in a hushed voice "Randall, I didn't know you were like that. Do you think you could whip me sometime?"

I'm not like that. I go for the ambiance. It's just a club with explicit photos on the walls. Most people dress normally. So much so that the club is a having a Halloween party with the theme fetish wear. There will probably be guys wearing fish-net stockings and high heels, dominatrices in tall black boots, lots of whips, people in latex, and others with ball gags. The thing about ball gags in SL is that it doesn't keep you from chatting. And whips don't draw blood.

My fetish is elf ears. You don't see many elves at clubs. There have only been a couple that caught my attention. One was into having a master and I'm not that way so I never knew what to do with her. The other I used to see semi-ocassionally at Franks.

We came to a bad end. She married a guy that looked like a gay albino. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Being an albino I mean. Or gay. But that's how he looked to me. The marriage evidently didn't didn't last long because she's partnerless again. I've never seen her at Franks since the wedding.

There must be a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm not sure what it is. Probably something like fetishes are bad.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Looking For My Voice:

In my early days of SL, I was always at an infohub. I don't know why, it's where the lab starts most people out. It's a strange experience. Sometimes, there's a crowd of people standing silently and all facing the same direction. It's as if everyone is acting like they're on an elevator, but outdoors at a park or something.

A couple of times I stood and faced the crowd and shouted out: "Who are all you people? Why are you here?" One person answered. "This is an infohub. We're here for information."

I have still have a couple of friends from those days. One of them defriended me a few times. Whenever she split with her current beau, she usually defriended everyone. At least that's what she told me. A few days later, she would send me a friend request and we would be friends again.

That hasn't happened in a long time. I think she gave up on romance. She recently changed her name. I should check up on her and see what's going on. Maybe she found what she was looking for.

Once when I was at Hyannisport, a guy wanted me to permit him to perform a sexual act on me. Not being into guys, I politely declined. I'm a modern new-age male. I'm not homophobic.

He offers me money. I still refuse. He begins increasing the amount. When it gets up to a couple of hundred Linden dollars, I say "I'm independently wealthy. I'm just here for information."

"What information?"

"This is a hub for information. I'm here for whatever information is available."

Regulars at a bar are called bar flies. Regulars at a health club that are always lifting weights are called gym rats. What do you call regulars at an infohub? Information junkies?

There were several information junkies at Hyannisport. One in particular I noticed was an attractive woman named ImHere001. I attempted to strike up a conversation with her in IM. She would respond sporadically, but really wasn't interested in conversing with me.

Later I heard her talking in voice. She wasn't a woman. Definitely a man and not a pleasant one. She was almost always there, standing off to the side and conversing with two or three other regulars in voice.

There was a time when I was interested in using voice. My hands were hurting from too much typing. I thought I could use voice instead of typing and that would solve the problem.

Infohubs destroyed that illusion. Usually, a few people dominate the voice channel, i.e., the information junkies, and it's hard to break in. There should be a protocol, like truckers use for CB radios: 

"Breaker, anybody got a copy on me, come on?"

"Copy, go ahead."

“Who are you all people? Why are you here?”

“Were here for information.”

“Roger that.”

I think she is still there. I went back not too long ago and saw her again. Only now, she has switched back to being a man, but still using voice.

To this day, my hands hurt. I still haven't found my voice.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Just Gunk:

Have you ever went back and read what you written awhile ago and thought, "wow, that's good, it's as if I was someone else when I wrote that."

It's like you had to hold your breath for as long as you could and plunge into a deep black pond and reach the bottom and try to pull something up. And when you surfaced, you passed out and only days later could you tell if you pulled up something beautiful or just gunk.

Of course, most of the time, it is gunk.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

So Gloomy:

    I am a member of the unemployed now with nothing but a typer and a couple of paint brushes to hold off the world. So keep your fingers crossed for me and hope the gods are on my side. There's my 5 year old daughter involved and if I lost her, that would do me in. But things sometimes have a way of working. There's no need to lay it down yet. There's a novel in my mind and The Days Run Away... moving very nicely. but but but....
     This letter is so gloomy, Jim, that I can't ever write it, finish it. I'll write when things are looking better.
    -Bukowski to Jim Roman
     January 11, 1970
That's pretty much how I feel everyday, i.e., the part about "can't ever write it" or "finish it."

Monday, October 14, 2013

Soul Crushing:

What's soul crushing? Meaningless senseless acts? Being quiet when you want to scream? Feeling like you're a small unimportant cog in a vast machine that doesn't care about you?

What's the opposite of soul crushing? Working on something you love and then putting it out there and finding that a lot of people adore it? Finding what you create has value?

I suppose the opposite of soul crushing would be soul uplifting. It seems to be in short supply these days.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


He stood at the window of the empty cafe and watched the activites in the square and he said that it was good that God kept the truths of life from the young as they were starting out or else they’d have no heart to start at all. ― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
An acquaintance recently partnered. It only lasted a few days. If she hadn't blogged it, I would have missed it. She's not a noob either. She was a confirmed SL bachelorette. The guy she partnered was no noob either and an old friend. Maybe that was the problem. They were both past partnership age. If one of them had been a noob, perhaps it would have lasted longer.

I think I'm way past partnership age. I don't have the heart for it. The most I can muster is something like shared distraction.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Remember Every Insult:

I know what you are learning to endure. There is nothing to be done. Make sure nothing is wasted. Take notes. Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
Have you read the White Oleander? Such a powerful novel. It's about a girl, whose mother goes to prison for murder. The mother killed her former boyfriend using poison from white oleanders. The girl is placed in a foster home and has an affair with her foster mother's boyfriend. 

It's tragic and moving and leaves you wondering why there aren't 27 names for tears. Isn't there an easier way to be come an artist?

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Names for Tears:

Surely you've read how Eskimos have many different words for snow because snow is an important part of their life. It's true. The Inuit dialect spoken in the Nunavik region of Canada has 53 different words for snow. For example, “matsaaruti,” means wet snow that can be used to ice a sleigh’s runners. "Pukak” means crystalline powder snow that looks like salt.

Do you think there is a culture that has many different words for tears? Some place where everyone is sad? I can only think of a couple different ways to say tears in English. The most poetic is "drowning eyes". Tobias Wolff used that in his short story Bullet in the Brain.

There are not many different ways to write tears, but there are a lot of different ways to write weep. At least 27 different synonyms. We must not be a happy people.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Why I Write For You:

Earlier, I posted that I write only for you. There are a couple of reasons. For one, only you get what I write. Anybody else reading this just wouldn't understand. They might get some of it, but they wouldn't feel the weight of these words in their soul.

But the real reason I write for you is because you make me feel worthwhile. Like I'm someone good.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

If You Were a Character:

 If you were playing a character in SL, what character would you be? I think I would be an anti-hero. On a sliding scale from idealism to cynicism, I tend towards cynicism. And I suffer from the attribute of extreme celibacy. It's a kind of heroic vow. Specifically, a thousand day vow of abstinence and chastity entered into on my 1,000th day in SL.

The vow is because I'm cynical about love. It's not that I don't believe in love, it's that I don't believe love is worthwhile in SL. The reward is not worth the sorrow. Love rarely lasts. Whenever one of my friends partners or marries, I always wonder how long until the inevitable break up. Sometimes partnerships barely make it a day.

And there are those that want to take it into real life. They live on opposite sides of continents or in different countries, but nothing will deter them. I'm thinking if you cannot find someone in your own locale, your standards must be way too high.

I have one friend defying the odds. Her partnership and SL marriage has far exceeded my expectations. She must be playing the heroine. That's what so great about heroines, they overcome nearly impossible odds in pursuit of a worthy goal.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Why Change?

Have you wondered why people change? They don't change without good reasons. Walter White in Breaking Bad didn't wake up one day and say to himself "to hell with teaching high school chemistry, I'm going to make meth!" No, he had a compelling reason: a diagnosis of lung cancer. Only the threat of imminent death got him to change.

You see similar behavior in Second Life. There are some older avatar's that look almost the same as the day they were first rezzed into the meta-verse nearly a decade ago. Their skin is an older mono-tone type without any shading, they have a cheap AO and freebie hair.

What could get someone like that to change? They would have to want something that they could only get by updating their avatar. Maybe they're into building and scripting before and don't care about appearance. But someone introduced them to the more social aspects of the game and now they want to be part of it. So they change, sometimes suddenly.

Do you remember what caused you to change from noob to non-noob? Was there a catalyst that suddenly made you want to make an adjustment in your appearance?

Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Might Save I Love You:

The other day I IM'd an old friend whose name doesn't light up much anymore. She was dancing with her SL husband, so I told her I wouldn't bother her. But she said it was okay, she wanted to chat. So we got into the subject of multitasking and what happens if she typed in the wrong window.

She replied that she might say "I love you." For some reason that's been rattling around in my brain. What if you accidently told someone that you loved them, would it do any harm? Should you take it back? Say something like, "Whoops, wrong window. I don't feel that way about you." Or do you just let it go?


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Notes of Desperation:

 I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. -Dostoyevsky, Notes from the Undergound
Dostoyevsky's work and life really made an impression on Bukowksi. I think most people would  be impressed if they knew the more dramatic facts about Dostoyevsky. He's the only writer I know of that got a reprieve at the last moment from execution by firing squad. The reprieve from death was in exchange for four years hard labor in Siberia, followed by a term of compulsory military service. He had been having seizures for about the past ten yeas, and the seizures increased in severity and frequency while he was imprisoned. Somehow he survived prison, military service, and failing health to publish Notes from the Underground.

Bukowski wrote a poem called Dostoyevsky. Buskowski wrote in the poem that Dostoyevsky lifted him up on dark nights and left him in a better place. He was glad that Dostoyevsky got that reprieve because it was a reprieve for Bukowski as well.

After Bukowski began having some literary success, Bukowski wrote a series of articles called Notes of a Dirty Old Man for an underground newspaper.  Later, the articles were collected and published in a book of the same title. Bukowski thought it was some of his best work. Sometimes I wonder if Bukowski used the word "notes" in the name of the series of articles in honor of Dystoyevsky's earlier work.

Notes from the Underground is sometimes also translated as Letters from the Underworld. If I ever write a book, it should probably be called Notes of a Desperate Man.