Prom 2020 at Muddy's:

Gifts

Which gift is yours and which would you most prefer: 

1. The gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.
2. The gift of making others feel worthwhile.
3. The gift of accepting your life.
4. The gift of not needing anyone.
5. The gift of knowing how someone is going to die by touching them.
6. The gift of being able to make any place feel like home.
7. The gift of energy.
8. The gift of being able to make the same mistake over and over.
9. The gift of being able to live on almost nothing.

No. 7 is definitely not my gift. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel at least a little tired.

I think the last gift is mine. My income isn't that great, but expenses are low, so it's enough. It's almost a superpower. 

Gift No. 5 is definitely a superpower. A weird and scary one, but a superpower nonetheless. 

No. 2, is probably the most valuable. A person with that gift would always have many friends.

Brain Reboot

You ever wish you could reboot your brain the way you reboot a computer? Your thinking becomes fuzzy, you forget passwords, it takes you way too long to perform a task that should normally take just a few minutes, you become prone to outbursts of anger, etc, and you perform a mind reboot and fix all the problems. Wouldn't that be great?

I think that's why technology firms have ping pong tables and video games available for their employees to play at work. After they become tired from working on difficult problems and exhaust themselves mentally, they play a video game that clears their mental caches, and they can focus again.

So the next time you see me playing a video game, I'm not wasting time. I'm rebooting my brain.

Happiness Isn't Low Expectations.

The key to happiness isn't low expectations. The key to happiness is a worthwhile goal and a plan to achieve that goal. That's what make people happy, progress toward their goals.

Whoever said happiness is low expectations is an idiot. Don't listen to him.

I Found What's Missing

In December 2014, I posted this image and asked what was missing:



The problem is that what I most wanted and needed was not offered. What I want is meaning. Meaning is the source of hope, strength, courage, passion, and patience. Knowing that I am working towards something important and that it matters, gives me the strength, the patience, and the faith to persevere.

For years, I've searched for meaning. Whenever I see an invitation to contact someone with whatever questions I may have, I always ask for the meaning of life. Mostly I get joke answers, but I always hope for a serious answer.

I've concluded that life has no meaning. It's only a chemical process. Asking for the meaning of life is like asking for the meaning of fire. A flame dancing at the end of a candle is oxygen combining with wax molecules and releasing heat and carbon dioxide. And when the flame is extinguished? A body of wax remains, but the chemical process has stopped, leaving a cold, dead corpse.

The only meaning life has is the meaning we create for it. The purpose of life is to create meaning. That's why I love creators. Each is a god adding to the meaning of existence. If I could be a creator, I think I could be happy.

Wishing you a very creative and meaningful 2017 (and if you know the meaning of life, please send me a message).

Don't Try:

 Last year was such a disaster that I've decided to not even try in 2015. That's my resolution for the year: don't try.

A Great Mess:

You've been hanging around here trying to make yourself invisible behind this fragile fucked up routine of yours, but you can't. You're anything but invisible, you're big. You're kind of a great mess. It's like a candle burning on both ends, but it's beautiful. No amount of booze or weed or attitude is going to hide that.
    -Birdman